Dr. Simone’s Mind Space

Reinventing parenting part 5: Babymoon

The countdown is real now. 22 days left until our child is born. We’ve just returned from a trip to Rome, as a special couple’s time and prenatal bonding. The so called babymoon. We’ve talked a lot about the future, our visions, dreams, but most importantly focussed on the NOW. The time together as a couple and the plan to focus on it also in the future is crucial for a happy and balanced partnership. This will be reflected in the child, his behavior is always a mirror of the caregivers’ capacity to maintain contained. This is something we’ve discussed on our trip over morning runs, long long walks, coffee breaks, champagne apéros, and wonderful dinners.

This attitude to focus on quality time as a couple, is essential to the both of us. That’s why we decided to go on this babymoon trip. The destination isn’t what matters, it’s the mindset that matters. This mindset is good to be trained and established, prior to the baby’s arrival.

An agreement on how to parent among the couple is very important. Another essential aspect is the sharing of one’s own childhood experiences. The reason, why it’s extraordinarily important, is that we tend to get into default mode, especially when stressed. The default mode, wether we like it or not, is the behavioral pattern we’re most familiar with from our own childhood. Wether this mode is constructive or destructive, it tends to take over the cognitions. That’s why one’s partner should know, in order to act appropriately. Couple time first!

 

@unesurcent

@drschwank

@optimalperformancezurich

Der Weg zum Baby

In der heutigen Episode wird Dr. Simone einmal ganz anders interviewt, von ihrer Praxis Partnerin zum Thema Infertilität.

Taucht ein ins Gespräch, entspannt am Freitagabend mit Champagner und Franciacorta.

 

@drschwank

@unesurcent

@optimalperformancezurich

How to be successful with Dr. Christine & Dr. Schwank

Today’s conversation is a success story of an inspiring young woman, multiple business owner, and mother of two, Dr. Christine Forte Klotz. She shares her story of how she became a therapist, the many places she lived, worked, and gave birth to her children.

Listen and get inspired by a women that doesn’t seek out to find the perfect job, but let’s gravity do the work, and ends up with fantastic opportunities wherever she does.

 

@unesurcent

@drschwank

@optimalperformancezurich 

@christineforteklotz

Infertility and the couple partnership

Infertility can impact a couple’s relationship greatly. Being both very vulnerable, due to the sadness, worries, and low affect of not succeeding with a shared dream. At times, the partners are at different stages of mourning, excepting, experiencing, which can be very challenging. The support each partner needs might also differ greatly and as both experience the grief and loss of a dream, it’s difficult to be there as emotional and physical support.

Seek support early, the earlier the better. Far too often, individuals and couples wait too long and are already in crisis mode, have many broken glasses already, when they finally take the step to seek help. Very unfortunate, since the person we would need the most during these difficult times is the partner.

A professional third party, a psychologist can be a great source of relief. A person that genuinely listens to the couple’s needs. An expert that can contain the experiences and be a non-judgemental listener.

Benefits of copule's therapy are, that the couple can learn how to best support each other, based on each individual’s needs. In couple’s therapy there’s room for each individual to share their needs in a neutral environment.

The therapist can support the couple to contain emotions and navigate and explain the individual behaviors and their origin. These explanations can reduce friction, tension, and misunderstandings.

Therapists can provide tools in how to learn to better understand each other. One such resource are the 5 love languages https://5lovelanguages.com/. There’s a love language questionnaire, a tool that can be used as a valuable source of information, to better understand the partner and their needs and ways of expressing love and care.

Try to be a non-judgmental, curious listener, even if it’s terribly difficult at times.

The better each partners’ understand each other, the less conflicts, misunderstandings, and feelings of being ignored by the partner there are.

 

A guide for couples:

 

1. Seek professional help early.
2. Mutually agree on the therapist and frequency.
3. Invest time to understand your partners needs.
4. Be open to use tools, such as the 5 love languages, to understand your partner better.
5. Learn to become a non-judgmental, curious listener.
6. Accept that you might be at different stages in the mourning process.
7. Focus on your relationship as a couple, its values and why you are actually undergoing reproductive treatment.
8. Be willing to share your worries and vulnerabilities with your partner.
9. Relationships don’t have to be complicated.
10. Go out and enjoy some couple’s time. Focus on positive things you love to do.

@drschwank

@unesurcent 

@optimalperformancezurich

Infertility: Insights from clinical examples

Despite the bodily impact, fertility treatments have on women and men - depending on the medical intervention - the psychological impact is extensive. 

Being confronted with infertility usually leads to depression, anxiety, emotional, and physical  exhaustion of both partners. Completely normal in a situation so extraordinary and very common to feel in the process of IVF. Yet, it’s a lonely place, even if it’s everyone experiencing it, going through the process of IVF or being confronted with any other infertility treatments. That’s why it’s important to share the ups and downs of life under reproductive treatments, yet in a humble way! It’s important to provide genuine insight, rather than attention seeking behavior. 

 

@drschwank

@unesurcent

@optimalperformancezurich

The ivf journey

It’s been a long long journey that started with the idea of having a family 2018. In my world, getting of the contraceptive pill would end up being pregnant, immediately the next month. Turned out that that’s absolutely not been the case.

It’s been an emotional roller coaster of a journey. A journey that’s been accompanied by many many hardships of failed cycles over and over and over again.

Depression, anxiety, emotional, and physical  exhaustion of both partners. Completely normal in a situation so extraordinary as it’s been and normal to feel in the process of ivf. Yet, it’s a lonely place, even if it’s everyone experiencing it, goes through the same thing. This is why I did a podcast once, before we’ve succeeded.

Our reproductive health doctor runs a podcast on ivf (fertility podden), together with a midwife. Her podcast is incredibly valuable for anyone undergoing treatment.

This is also one of the reasons, why I decided to share my story. To provide Public Health Service to women and their partners. Since information is the most important god. We should share it in all possible ways. To inform, educate, support, and remove stigma associated with ivf and fertility problems in general.

Also sharing the happy end we’ve experienced, comes after taking a long half a year break, due to hitting bottom rock, the hardest wall of my life. This long break involved plenty of running, yoga, Ayurveda massages, facials, and solo travels to my city, New York.

 

@drschwank

@optimalperformancezurich 

@unesurcent

 

 

Reinventing parenting part 4

Today’s conversation on reinventing parenting and all it means for us women, female entrepreneurs to have it all. A great inspiration, Dr. Vanessa Craig. She is a biomedical researcher and entrepreneur, living and working in Switzerland. Her company Formetta produces a premium collagen supplement and she leads a comprehensive nutrition program at Rivr with the aim to maximize health span.

 

@formetta

@unesurcent

@drschwank

Reinventing parenting part 3: Parents know best

Live your life your way. We have only one life, should live it to the fullest. Many of us, including myself have listened to people and their opinions. How they considering parenting should be like. We listen and take it in and then end up doings that are against our ideas and concepts. Having a partner that rather than confirming, is rebelling is fantastic. The rebellious attitude is exactly what’s needed. The approach to parenthood and parenting should be defined by the new parents and nobody else. Strengthening new parents in their role, should always be prio no 1.

Keep your own ideas and thoughts to yourself, no need to interfere with the new parent’s way. The more new parents get to explore things in their way, the better.

 

How can we best support new parents best?

1. Support them in their way. New parents know best themselves.
2. Offer support in taking care of the child, to get them couple’s time.
3. Provide reassurance and encouragement.
4. Don’t give advice, when not asked for it.

@drschwank 

@unesurcent 

Reinventing parenting part 2: Life as new parents

Life as new parents

It’s a major transition for everyone in the family to become fist time parents, grandparents, great grandparents, aunt, and uncle.

The roles in the couple are new defined, as well as the roles in the extended family. The transition to parenthood, motherhood, fatherhood, and grandparenthood is a very significant identity transformation. Many initially struggle, after their first or only child is born and mourn their lost position as individuals, their role within the partnership, and the family of origin. The transition is comparable with other major milestones in life, such as adolescence to adulthood, marriage, divorce, children leaving home, and retirement. We’re extra vulnerable in these phases and stages of life. Redefining our identity is a fragile place and depending on the way we deal with it, either in a constructive or destructive way. As new parents, it’s important to be aware of the transitional stage the entire family is in. The understanding of why each partner might feel sad, depressed or extra anxious relate to the new defined identities, and for the woman also hormonal changes after delivery.

After pregnancy and what it implies for the couple’s sex life, becoming parents, and the view of the partner in the maternal or paternal role, can impact the sexual attraction initially. It is essential to focus on time as a couple, very consciously making this time and choice to focus on time, just the two adults. Organizing support to spend as much time as a couple as possible, to maintain the partnership, as two lovers, not to parents or roommates. Jealousy towards the baby can also be observed, when one of the partners is too preoccupied with the baby and neglects the partner and his or her needs for attention and unconditional love. The more we’re aware of these mechanisms, the less they get into our way and negatively impact our relationships. Particularly, the so very precious one to our partner, or lover, and primary reason why we probably decided to have a child in the first place. The new roles, sleep deprivation, and general overwhelmed atmosphere can trigger fights, unnecessary disputes.   

@drschwank

@unesurcent

Reinventing parenting part 1

It’s been a long journey to the decision of becoming parents. That’s given us the opportunity to reflect over how to parent. We’ve discussed how it’s absolutely incredible how many people giving you advice, telling you all these stories, mostly the negative ones, of what you all can’t do. I took it in, where as my husband said: hey, just twist it and use it as motivation to show them the opposite! 

That’s been the best attitude I could imagine and an underlying attitude I had, but suppressed to be the obedient one, confirming to societal expectations, even if I greatly dislike to swim with the stream. 

Reinventing parenting, a series that starts with this last weeks of pregnancy, a podcast episode. A series on how to differently parent and be as a couple, the non-conformity approach to newly baked parents.

 

The how to go about it guide:

Step 1: Do it your way! Ignore others, you know best!

Step 2: Dare to swim against the stream. Every couple, every baby is unique. 

Step 3: Partnership ALWAYS comes first. Set date nights out weekly. Unhappy couples don’t stay together. 

Step 4: Live out your sex life. Sex rejuvenates, releases endorphins, spotlights the couple as lovers, not parents.

Step 5: Organise support from day 1. We hired a babysitter from day 1, day 5 we’re out for dinner just the two of us.

Step 6: Plan trips with and without the baby. We’ve already booked individual and family trips to New York and across Asia.

@drschwank

@unesurcent